The MBTI Chemistry: Why Some People Just Click
Ever met someone and instantly thought, “Wow, we just get each other”? Or, on the flip side, felt like you’re speaking two different languages, even though you both technically speak English? That could be the enchanting world of MBTI chemistry.
MBTI—the beloved personality framework—offers a peek into why certain personalities vibe so well together, while others feel like oil and water. But why does this happen? What’s the secret sauce behind these connections (or lack thereof)? The answer lies in cognitive functions, or as I like to call them, the “gears” of our personality.
The Car Analogy: Your Cognitive Functions on the Road
Picture your personality as a car. Every MBTI type comes with four main “gears,” or cognitive functions, that influence how you think, decide, and interact with the world. Here’s how the setup works:
1. Dominant Function: This is the driver. They’re in control, steering the car and making most of the decisions.
2. Auxiliary Function: The trusty co-pilot. They support the driver, offer balance, and help navigate tricky situations.
3. Tertiary Function: A curious child in the backseat. They can sometimes chime in with helpful insights but aren’t the most reliable.
4. Inferior Function: A baby strapped into a car seat. They rarely take charge but can occasionally throw tantrums when overwhelmed.
Each MBTI type has a unique combination of these “passengers,” and the dynamics between them shape how you connect with others. When two cars on the road are in sync—say, they’re both following the same route or one driver can guide the other—it’s smooth sailing. But when they’re heading in opposite directions or driving at wildly different speeds… well, things can get a little bumpy.
Dominant Function: The Star of the Show
The dominant function is like the main character of your personality movie. It’s the strongest, most natural way you engage with the world. Chemistry often hinges on how these drivers interact.
For example:
– Extraverted Intuition (Ne): ENFPs and ENTPs love brainstorming, generating ideas, and exploring endless possibilities. Put two Ne drivers together, and you’ve got a creative think tank in the making. But pair an Ne driver with someone focused on structure, like an ISTJ (Introverted Sensing, Si), and they might struggle to find common ground—one wants spontaneity, while the other craves stability.
– Introverted Feeling (Fi): INFPs and ISFPs lead with deeply personal values and emotional depth. When two Fi drivers connect, the bond can feel like a soul connection. But throw in a Thinking type like an ESTJ, and the Fi user might feel dismissed or misunderstood.
MBTI Chemistry emerges when these drivers complement each other—or at least don’t collide. A dominant Te (Extraverted Thinking) user like an ENTJ might appreciate the grounded insights of an Si driver, like an ISTJ, even if their approaches differ.
Auxiliary Function: The Unsung Hero
While the dominant function steals the show, the auxiliary function is the real MVP of personality chemistry. Acting as a balancing force, it often bridges gaps between people.
Let’s consider the INFJ (Ni-Fe) and ENTP (Ne-Ti).
– INFJ’s Ni (Introverted Intuition): This type focuses on abstract patterns and future possibilities. Their Fe (Extraverted Feeling) auxiliary helps them connect emotionally with others.
– ENTP’s Ne (Extraverted Intuition): The ENTP generates ideas at lightning speed, but their Ti (Introverted Thinking) auxiliary keeps things logical and precise.
When these two meet, their auxiliary functions create a perfect give-and-take. The INFJ brings emotional warmth and structure, while the ENTP introduces playful energy and innovation. It’s a balanced duo where each compensates for the other’s blind spots.
MBTI Chemistry in Action: Complementary Types
Some of the most dynamic MBTI pairings come from complementary functions—where one person’s strengths fill in the gaps for the other. This often happens with opposite types who, surprisingly, create a well-rounded team.
Example 1: ENFP and INTJ
The ENFP is like a free-spirited artist, brimming with ideas and spontaneity, while the INTJ is the meticulous architect, planning every detail. Together, they’re a powerhouse of creativity and strategy. The ENFP helps the INTJ think outside the box, and the INTJ grounds the ENFP’s wild ideas into actionable plans.
Example 2: ISTP and ENFJ
ISTPs are calm, logical, and action-oriented, while ENFJs are nurturing, people-focused visionaries. The ISTP teaches the ENFJ to slow down and think critically, while the ENFJ helps the ISTP connect with their emotions and consider the bigger picture. It’s a relationship of mutual growth.
When MBTI Chemistry Fizzles: Cognitive Clashes
Not all MBTI pairings are smooth rides. Sometimes, the driver and co-pilot in one car don’t mesh well with another car’s setup.
Thinking vs. Feeling: A Common Tug-of-War
Thinkers (T) prioritize logic and objective analysis, while Feelers (F) focus on emotions and human impact. An INTJ (Ni-Te) might view an ENFP’s (Ne-Fi) emotional approach as impractical, while the ENFP sees the INTJ as cold or unfeeling. Without mutual understanding, these differences can lead to frustration.
Judging vs. Perceiving: Structure Meets Chaos
Judgers (J) love planning and order, while Perceivers (P) thrive on spontaneity. A Judging type like an ENTJ might clash with a Perceiving type like an INFP over something as simple as sticking to a schedule. The ENTJ might see the INFP as flaky, while the INFP feels stifled by the ENTJ’s rigidity.
Building Better Chemistry: Tips for the Road
Whether you’re navigating a friendship, partnership, or team dynamic, understanding MBTI can help smooth the journey. Here’s how:
1. Learn Your Functions: Knowing your “passengers” (and theirs) helps you understand where conflicts or connections might arise.
2. Appreciate Differences: Instead of judging, embrace what others bring to the table. A Perceiver’s spontaneity can complement a Judger’s structure if both see the value in each approach.
3. Communicate Clearly: Chemistry isn’t magic—it’s effort. Be open about your needs and curious about theirs.
The Final Word: Chemistry Is a Journey
MBTI chemistry isn’t about finding the “perfect” match. It’s about understanding the gears that drive us and learning to navigate the road together. Whether your connections feel effortless or take some work, the beauty lies in the journey—and the occasional pit stops for self-reflection.
So, next time you feel that spark (or friction), take a moment to think: who’s driving their car, and where might you be headed together?
What do you think? Is your MBTI type in harmony with the people around you? Let’s chat.
